Make Dating Fun Again
There is a stigma about dating right now that lacks hope. My friends and women on social media share stories of the current dating pool with notes of disappointment, anxiety, and (valid) frustration.
After leaving my long-term relationship of five years, I thought I knew what to expect from my single friends. Stories of dating apps like Hinge and Bumble, tales of getting ghosted after having a perfect date, non-chalance and non-commital casual sort-of boyfriends, and the dreaded situationship.
With all this in mind, I dove in head first. Little did I know, I was carrying the weight of wanting to be chosen and validated, especially because my ex boyfriend wasn’t giving me that.
After a few failed dates, I too was starting to feel the jaded nature of my friends and other women sharing their experiences. I knew I needed a mindset change asap.
I decided to make dating fun again. I decided to embrace this new chapter of my life by making a process that’s usually dreaded by women everywhere and make it work FOR ME. I started acting in security versus acting in fear.
1) As my wonderful therapist first said to me, think of dating as collecting data. Every date I went on I recorded on a spreadsheet with a emoji key. This removes some of the personalized attachment to the outcome of your dating journey.
2) Ritualize everything. Getting ready. A designated first date playlist playing loud in the car. An outfit you always feel confident in. This gives you something to look forward to when it comes to be date time.
3) Agree to things that you want to do. Most likely if you’re eating at a restaurant you like or enjoying an activity that sounds fun and interesting to you, you’ll have a better time.
4) Practice being in your feminine energy. Identify actions and behaviors that a man does that matter to you. Pouring your water, serving you when sharing appetizers, complimenting your signature scent, holding your hand, etc.
Slowly, I started to get excited for the possibility of connecting with someone new. Every person that I went on a date with taught me something about myself or what I wanted (or didn’t want). I dated internationally and within 5 miles from where I lived. I went on fancy dinner dates and beach dates and everything in between. I was open instead of being closed. I had conversations of casual and short-term and exclusivity and non-exclusivity. I sought out to learn everything I could about modern dating through my own experiences.
It’s either your husband or a fun story to tell your friends later. While you’re waiting for the right one, I’m begging you to have fun with the wrong ones. Say yes to the espresso martinis on a random Monday. Be loudly and unapologetically yourself at the cost of being rejected. And most of all, don’t forget to have fun.
